


Of Idioms and Idiots: Roman Duke’s Comprehensive Guide to Repression and Self-Isolation

by galacticberries



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Autistic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Creativity | Roman Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders Don't Have A Good Relationship, Depression, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional self-harm, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Prince Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Centric, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticberries/pseuds/galacticberries
Summary: Roman is pretty sure that it's only a matter of time before he gets a boyfriend, that him and Patton are going to meet up after school, that Virgil is the worst driver he's ever seen, and that Logan is only half as smart as he pretends to be. Roman is also pretty sure that all his friends hate him, that he's the dumbest person that ever went to this school, that he's seconds away from imploding, and that his brother is going to kill him and he'll deserve it.So things are a little touch and go at the moment.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, One Sided Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders - Relationship
Kudos: 16





	Of Idioms and Idiots: Roman Duke’s Comprehensive Guide to Repression and Self-Isolation

**Author's Note:**

> Read with caution, heed the tags, all that good stuff. 
> 
> These characters are teenagers and do dumb teenager things like be assholes to each other. I don't think any of these characters are bad people in canon, I'm just having fun with it by bullying my favs. This is quite literally the most me thing I've ever written and the projection is strong in this one lmao

His back porch is still damp from last night's storm, the water slowly seeping into Roman's jeans but he makes no move to get up. He'd rather wear wet denim than go back inside. Roman hated this, absolutely, but in a weird way, it was oddly familiar. Yeah, it was awful having Remus back in the house, and it felt like the universe’s final totaling blow to his summer, but Roman had kinda missed him. Or more likely, he had missed living in a full house. With Remus in college and his mom at work, it had felt stiflingly-empty. 

But, Roman thought rubbing the bruise that was surely forming, maybe he just should have invited his friends over more.

His brother had come home late last night and Remus had just woken up and made his way into the pantry to try and figure out what cereal he wanted to eat. Roman had voiced his thought that it was a little late for breakfast, and in response, Remus threw a bowl at him. It was basically the only interaction they had since he had come home, and Roman really doesn’t know how to feel about it.

So he sat outside, slowly munching on Goldfish. They were the rainbow kind; he had asked his mom for them. And she had bought them, not even making a snide remark about how he was a little too old for colorful fish crackers. Roman wouldn't have blamed her if she had— he  _ was _ too old for rainbow goldfish— at least certainly too old to beg his mom for them. 

But he wasn't old enough to stop himself from asking. Which had to be the summary of his life at this point. He felt like a kid who was expected to do his own taxes in a year. An adult who was still desperately clinging on to the last remaining dregs of childhood. Desperately trying to keep everything from changing. He felt awkward and unsure, not really confident in his ability to grow up.

He pulls out another Goldfish and places it in his mouth. He sucks all the salt off and then tries to split it down the middle with his teeth. Break it in half using the seem that holds both sides together. He's not entirely sure why he does it besides habit; he's done it since he was little, since back when he and Remus would play in the front yard. 

He reaches into the box and pulls out another handful when he notices the two fish stuck together. The face fused with the other's tail. Right as he's about to eat it, he hears Remus say behind him— "Hey, they're fucking."

Roman flinches, because he always does, "Gross." 

Roman glares up at him and Remus just flips him off. He sits down next to Roman, smiling as he does. He still has his bowl of cereal, certainly soggy by now. There's a good foot of space between them, but Roman still feels on edge. He slides to the end of the porch, legs dangling— no longer able to rest on the steps now. He looks at the two Goldfish in his hand and tosses them into the yard. Of course, Remus would ruin Goldfish.

"Still eat those like a weirdo?" He points at the box and Roman pulls it closer to his chest, like a child hiding his toy so no one takes it. He knows he's pouting but he doesn't care. 

Remus smiles, way too wide. In a way that makes his face stretch and looks almost inhuman. "I'll take that as a yes." 

"Go back inside." 

Remus looks at him, and Roman hates it. He hates that his mom left him alone with his batshit brother. Hates that she abandoned him here. Hates that he'd rather have Remus here than be alone. He turns his head back down, staring at where the fish landed in the grass. He feels a little bad for them now. They didn't ask to get thrown into the grass. They didn't ask to be fused together, for Remus to see them like that. They didn't ask for Roman to buy their box.

Remus groans as he stands up, his back popping, "You are no fun anymore." He throws his spoon at Roman's back again. Roman hears the screen door creak as it opens, and he flinches as it slams shut. 

He resists the urge to scold Remus that it's bad for the springs to do that because that would only ensure he does it every time.

Now that he's alone again he feels his hand slowly drift up to the back of his head. He finds the old scar there in seconds. Muscle memory makes it easy, and his old tick of picking at it dies hard. He remembers when he got the scar perfectly. He had been in the hospital, and when he had woken up Remus had been there at his bedside, smiling at him, every time. 

He had told their mom it was an accident, and Roman didn't correct him. He just flinched every time Remus walked behind him.

No one noticed.

No one except Remus.

The sound of a car pulling through the alley yanked him out of his thoughts. Patton, he assumes, coming to pick him up. Only, it's not Patton— it's Virgil. 

He slows to a stop and walks over to where Roman sits on his porch. "Hey, dork."

Roman looks up at him and smiles, "You got your license." 

Virgil actually smiles back, big and proud. "Yep." 

Roman tilts so he can stop looking at Virgil, and instead look at the car. It's a minivan. He resists the urge to laugh out loud. "You get a car too?"

"Nah, it's my mom's." He just shrugs, like he's not overanalyzing every expression, every comment about the vehicle that he'll be driving for the next year or so. 

Which just means Roman has to be on his best behavior when it's the subject of conversation. 

Roman smirks at him, "Well, it's the biggest car in the group, which makes you the new designated driver. Lucky you."

Virgil gives an eye roll with practiced mock exasperation, "Only after four, and on weekends."

"What about bank holidays?"

"Obviously. Bank holidays are a given."

Roman chuckles, because it's easy. Because it's Virgil and basically everything he says makes Roman chuckle. He smiles so much around the guy his face  _ hurts _ most of the time. 

It's a nice change of pace. 

"Bank holidays or not, it's gonna get pretty pricey with the gas." It's not like Roman is actually worried about Virgil's gas bill. They'll all pitch in, just like they've done for Patton for the last two years.

Despite this knowledge, Virgil's face still scrunches up in concern, "Yeah. I know."

Roman's eyes widen, he didn't expect him to take it seriously, and now that he has Roman definitely doesn't like where the conversation is headed.

"Don't worry, we'll make Logan foot the bill."

This time it's Virgil's turn to laugh, and Roman can't help it as his own bubbles out of his chest. It's nice to just sit here and laugh together. He loves how natural it feels like they were made to do this and nothing else. Virgil is beautiful when he laughs, his eyes crinkle and his shoulders bounce and he looks less worried for just a few seconds.

It's a wonderful feeling.

It fades instantly as they both hear a crash from him inside. “What was that?”

Now it’s Roman’s turn to shrug like everything’s fine. Sarcasm comes naturally, and he easily slips into it, “Oh, you remember my brother don’t you?”

"Wait, Remus is back?"

Roman had sort of had a good mood when Virgil had shown up, but it just had been stomped out as quickly as it arrived. "Yep. Failed out of college."

Virgil's face twists in sympathy, "No surprise there."

"No surprise, just a waste of money."

Virgil grimaces again, "Yeah, geez." 

It's awkward, small talk. Roman hates it, he'd rather talk about literally anything else. Like the latest Marvel movie, or who kissed who in the hallway. Not his life. He holds up his goldfish box, and Virgil reaches in wordlessly. He fishes around for a moment, before pulling out three purple fish. 

"Come on, we're gonna be late." He nods to his car and heads off in that direction. 

Roman stands up and then pauses a moment before kneeling down to grab the abandoned Goldfish in the grass. The moisture had split them apart but he's not going to eat them. He shoves them into his jacket pocket, he'll throw them out when they get to Logan's. He just doesn't want to leave them here. 

He hears banging on the glass and he turns to see Remus in the kitchen window, smiling at him. He makes a crude gesture with his hand and his mouth, moving his cheek with his tongue as he points at Virgil. Roman resists the urge to gag and practically runs towards Virgil's car. 

He slams the door behind him and slumps down in his seat, his shirt pushing up uncomfortably. The cheap upholstery sticking to his bearskin when he shifts slightly. He grasps the cardboard box tight in his hands. The edges painfully push against his ribs but he doesn’t want to move. He wants to sit here and pretend that everything’s fine. He just wants to eat goldfish and watch cartoons and pretend that everything’s fine for just a little longer. 

Roman forces himself to look back at the window, and it’s a little easier from the safety of a car. Remus is gone from the window and all that’s left is the curtains pushed halfway open. He holds his box a little tighter. 

A hand hits his chest and he flinches to see Virgil looking at him concerned. “Dude, buckle.” 

Roman rolls his eyes dramatically but does as he’s told. As he moves he’s suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that he has to pull his arm away from the back of his head to reach the seat belt. 

He looks up one last time as Virgil begins to pull out of the alley, and he sees Remus back in his place at the window. Roman can’t help but wonder if it even mattered that he left in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about a year and a half ago when I was having a terrible time in high school. I refined it some and now we have this. I don't have a set upload schedule but assume every month or so lol


End file.
